Author: Mike Maples

Thursday, September 20, 2012

The Unvaccinated Hive

I am writing this post in response to something I saw on Facebook. I strongly believe that I will be returning to the concept of the hive-mind of American society and the sheepish way in which we as a group follow and do pretty much whatever we are told by someone that we perceive as being smarter or in a better position than ourselves without taking into account the actual facts related to the subject matter. It seems to be a common theme for me in this blog.

Please don't think that I am some anti-establishment anarchist or a left-wing maniac. I support anyone's position as long as they have actually taken the time to develop a position for themselves rather than following along with whatever they hear. Just because Barack Obama or Glenn Beck tell you that something is true, you don't have to believe it. Do some research and figure out if they're full of shit.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Hallowed Region

I really wanted to avoid talking about this. Really. I don't think the subject is funny. I'm trying to be a comedian, I know a gaggle of veterans, and I really started this blog to bitch about America. Generally speaking, I wanted to create a space where I could blast American society, our skewed values, our flexible morality, and our complacency. Our politics. Our culture. A place where I could say publicly what I know a lot of the people in my generation are thinking. I had hoped that I could talk about deep things in a light manner, being a "humorist," and all. But to what end? 

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

A Town Called Catharsis...

Sorry to ejaculate so much bitterness into your eyes, but I'm coming up on the halfway point of my "vacation" to Spain and just needed to write something down to keep from smoking a lefty while making homemade pipe bombs blindfolded. I'd like to preface this blog by saying that the country of Spain is beautiful and really is a sight to behold. And so far, the Spaniards are a very friendly lot and very hospitable.

This post, however, is not about them or their country. This is a tale of a gringo who gets queasy at the thought of any kids other than his own (singular) forced into taking a vacation to a place, during a time, and with a crowd that is the very antithesis of what I imagine a vacation to be: relaxing. Read on...

Spain sucks and this vacation is pure, unfiltered misery with a side of iwishiweredead. I told my current roommate, or wife, that this would blow. I told you guys that it would, and I was correct as always. My son is fucking miserable with jet lag and teething. So flying in coach with two seats the size of barstools with this fucker on our laps was totally awesome for the 3-hour flight to Chicago, then a 4-hour layover there was a fucking joy, followed by a 9-hour flight to Madrid. 

I said repeatedly that vacationing with a toddler is not, in fact, a vacation, but more a testament to self-punishment. Nay, says the roommate. People love to travel with their kids.

We weren't halfway through our flight to Chicago before she agreed with this point that I had made months ago. Good thing she realized it then because our traveling was about 3% done. On that flight, we were understandably surrounded by Spaniards, who are truly some of the nicest people I've ever come across but who also vehemently refuse all forms of hygiene. The lady next to me had such bad breath that my eyes rusted.