Maples for President 2020

In light of yesterday's election, I wanted to dust off this blog to officially toss my hat into the ring for the presidential race of 2020. 

That's right: Trump's nomination has proven that you don't need any of the following to be President of the United States of America:

• Experience
• Maturity
• A fundamental understanding of basic issues
• A decidedly American worldview
• Any appreciation for democracy
• A firm position on anything
• Calm temperament
• Respect for anything other than heterosexual white men (white lesbians are obviously cool, though)
• Morals
• Religion (If you're a Republican, religious values are inconsequential. If you're a Democrat, you're probably a Kenyan Muslim)
• Respect for veterans
• An economic plan that is anything but disastrous for the middle and lower classes of citizens
• Recognition of America's enemies
• The ability to heed the information of those more informed than yourself
• Restraint
• Goodwill
• Sympathy for the nation's needs
• Patriotism
• A general base in reality

I CAN DO THIS. I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DO THIS. YOU ARE ALL FUCKING DOOMED IF YOU DON'T VOTE FOR ME: AMERICA WILL BE REDUCED TO ASHES BY MUSLIM EXTREMISTS WHO HATE CHRISTIANS AND LOVE ABORTIONS, GAY MARRIAGE, AND SOCIALIZED HEALTHCARE.

I KNOW IT. YOU KNOW IT. EVERYBODY KNOWS IT.

"The City Must Suffer At The Hand of The Chief's Command"

In the wake of the Pulse nightclub shooting that took place on 6/12/16 here in Orlando, an event that claimed the lives of 49 people and injured just as many, we as a nation once again mourn the loss of innocent young people at the hands of a madman and look to our leaders for answers. Democratic politicians staged a sit-in on the floor of Congress to try and get the Republican majority to finally, for once, act on behalf of the American people and not their own partisan political careers. Once again, the American people were let down by their leaders as the Republicans adjourned two days early instead of addressing these pressing issues, something we've become all too used to. Rather than seeing ourselves as Americans who need to discuss these things as a group to serve the greater good, we've chosen partisanship over common sense.

Freedom For All

"No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right. The judgment of the Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit is reversed. It is so ordered." -Justice Anthony Kennedy reading the Supreme Court's gay marriage ruling, striking down state bans.

Congratulations to those that have been waiting for this decision, as well as to America itself, for finally climbing another rung on the ladder of human advancement.

All are welcome, and all are free.

Punish the Weak

I saw an interesting statistic on Reddit today that showed just how many more prisons than colleges we have in the US. Here's my take in its most simplified form, along with other ways in which we beat down those who are already down.

The issue is that American bureaucrats, (most of) the super-wealthy, and fiscal conservatives aren't really fiscally conservative and unfortunately, they control everything. They sure as shit don't mind spending incredible amounts of money on prisons and punishment (or wars; they never seem to mind using our highly-expensive military to dispatch "freedom" all around the world), but don't want to spend money on rehabilitation or prevention in the form of higher education. This is what baffles me about both liberals and conservatives.

Mike's Guide To Civil Rights: Protesting

OK, OK. I know that I recently posted a blog issuing my full support for those protesting the law enforcement system. In light of that, this post may seem like me doubling-back on my words. Trust me; that is not the case at all. But between protesters tearing Missouri apart with rioting, looting, and violence against their own community and people blocking roads near malls during the holiday season just to get someone to listen to them chant the same seven or eight words ad nauseum, I think it is safe to say that we as a nation have entirely forgotten how to protest.

Least-Valuable Prisoners

OK, I'll make this quick because it is stupid that it is getting this much attention and heat. Sergeant Bowe Bergdahl is likely a deserter.

That said, American soldiers should not have had to give up their lives in trying to rescue him if that is indeed the case (see Reality Check #2). He very likely walked away from a war that he didn't agree with, which is illegal according to the UCMJ, and should be punished in a measured manner for it. However, death is not an appropriate punishment for that crime, according to the UCMJ. Nor were his feelings uncommon with members of the military, then and now.

Republicans are currently shitting kittens because the White House made some backdoor deal with the Taliban to release five Guantanamo prisoners, senior Taliban operatives, in exchange for Bergdahl. Speaker Boehner's usually bright orange skin has taken on a reddish hue in response to this outrage. Let's take a breather and remember a few things.

Perceived Imbalance

"Why does the government give poor people big refunds while charging others more on their federal taxes?"

It is tax season, and you know what that means: endless bitching. You are guaranteed to encounter tweets, posts, blogs, and quotes like the one above related to how much of someone's paycheck that the government is keeping, how unfair it is, and how people are "doing their part to support the lazy Americans."

I have posted about welfare before, but a fresh round of bitching by middle-class white people beckoned me to continue. You see, I don't think of welfare as simply helping lazy people. Do I think that this happens? Yes. Do I think it is a majority? No. But even if it was a majority of welfare recipients that were abusing the system, I'd still support it. To me, it is not an issue of giving to those undeserving of it, but rather contributing to our society; the poor, the broken, the underprivileged, the disenfranchised people who haven't had all of the opportunities that I have, which has not been many, to be sure. This is called optimism.

Dutch Amnesia

While perusing the dregs of social media article links, I ran across an interview with Ann Coulter on Piers Morgan's show, which you can see here. As always with Ms. Coulter, it was mostly an argument stuffed with some Ross Perot-like "can I finish my sentence" moments in the place of valid counterpoints in sentence form. However, it made me reflect on the legalization of marijuana argument, and each side's take on it from the point of view of a non-smoker pot-sympathizer (which I am, I promise) (prospective employers). 

The Meek Shall Destroy The Earth

Here in Florida, the gun-friendliest state in the south and home to the weirdest goddamned criminals ever, a man was recently murdered in a movie theater during a heated argument about texting. I have already written a post on what I think about gun control but was compelled to do so again.

Needless to say, social media has exploded with liberal and conservative cries for gun control versus vigilante justice. Having accidentally taken part in one of these arguments, I had a few reflections.

By reflections, I mean gloats that read as such: "You are wrong. Asshole."

Reading these Facebook comments makes me sad for our future, as in Floridians, Americans, and humanity in general. Our romanticization of gun culture in combination with our soul-depleting, media-soaked xenophobia has led to everyone basically losing their fucking minds. Obviously, this case in question is a one-in-a-million event and immeasurably retarded, so the gun control issue is not as obviously attached to the issue as much as one would think. But people are jumpy and want a soapbox, and who am I not to oblige?

Stranglehold

I'm leading this one off with a quote, because I think it applies to the basic pulse of this post, perhaps this blog in general.  

“Think of a rock polisher, one of those drums, goes round and round, rolls twenty-four/seven, full of water and rocks and gravel. Grinding it all up. Round and round. Polishing those ugly rocks into gemstones. That’s the earth. Why it goes around. We’re the rocks. And what happens to us—the drama and pain and joy and war and sickness and victory and abuse—why, that’s just the water and sand to erode us. Grind us down. To polish us up, nice and bright.” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Haunted

Let me just point out that nearly all surveys done recently on the subject show that no one likes any of their elected officials anymore. This is ironic, of course, since we voted for our representatives under the assumptions that they would stick to their (see also: OUR) values while remaining flexible enough to negotiate. That's their entire job: negotiation. If they don't negotiate, then they're useless. 

That Shit Is Gay

People need to stop using the argument that this is an issue that this affects or undermines their own marriage. By people, of course, I mean Americans. Mind your own fucking business and let gay people be miserable too. If a church chooses not to perform religious ceremonial marriage rites, that is their own business as it is a religious practice; their choice. However, states should not prevent those with the desire to marry a same-sex partner and enjoy the benefits that those of us who are married to an opposite-sex partner enjoy such as tax benefits, adoption proceedings, health benefits, and power-of-attorney, amongst much more. 

Our forefathers escaped religious persecution and established America and its associated Constitution, Bill of Rights, and so on. One of the things they thought of early on was the separation of church and state for issues just like this one. Marriage is a religious practice that is recognized by the government but not to be rendered by the government.

You want to talk religion and morals as they relate to marriage? Shit just got real.