"The City Must Suffer At The Hand of The Chief's Command"

In the wake of the Pulse nightclub shooting that took place on 6/12/16 here in Orlando, an event that claimed the lives of 49 people and injured just as many, we as a nation once again mourn the loss of innocent young people at the hands of a madman and look to our leaders for answers. Democratic politicians staged a sit-in on the floor of Congress to try and get the Republican majority to finally, for once, act on behalf of the American people and not their own partisan political careers. Once again, the American people were let down by their leaders as the Republicans adjourned two days early instead of addressing these pressing issues, something we've become all too used to. Rather than seeing ourselves as Americans who need to discuss these things as a group to serve the greater good, we've chosen partisanship over common sense.

Love Letter

I have wanted to write to you for a few weeks now, but couldn't really figure out the right words to say to you. You are the only woman that I have ever loved, but have never met. I had never seen a woman as beautiful as you are, and the only picture I ever saw of you was on an ultrasound.

Now, I hope that I have found the right words for you.

Tough Guy Yarmulke

Approximately 200 people, including 40 children, have been killed in the last week with the recent uptick of violence between Israel and Palestine. The brutality in Israel's counterattack is highlighted by an assault on Palestinian children playing on a Gaza beach that killed four kids and hit none of the strategic targets located on the beach. And by that, I mean there were absolutely no strategic targets on the beach, only families and journalists. This is another example of Israel's growing boldness against its enemies in the region, and one cannot help but think that one day, the region will get tired of the shenanigans.

I, like so many others, am really exhausted by religious violence in the Middle East, particularly because religion is a goofy thing to fight over. If we could just get over all of this religion that is holding us back, we'd finally see one another as human beings, not Jews, gentiles, Muslims, Christians, Hindus, Buddhists, and all of the other make-believe magic ghost stories that only divide us. 

The Meek Shall Destroy The Earth

Here in Florida, the gun-friendliest state in the south and home to the weirdest goddamned criminals ever, a man was recently murdered in a movie theater during a heated argument about texting. I have already written a post on what I think about gun control but was compelled to do so again.

Needless to say, social media has exploded with liberal and conservative cries for gun control versus vigilante justice. Having accidentally taken part in one of these arguments, I had a few reflections.

By reflections, I mean gloats that read as such: "You are wrong. Asshole."

Reading these Facebook comments makes me sad for our future, as in Floridians, Americans, and humanity in general. Our romanticization of gun culture in combination with our soul-depleting, media-soaked xenophobia has led to everyone basically losing their fucking minds. Obviously, this case in question is a one-in-a-million event and immeasurably retarded, so the gun control issue is not as obviously attached to the issue as much as one would think. But people are jumpy and want a soapbox, and who am I not to oblige?

How To Consume A Child

Recently, the people of Florida were shocked when a 14-year-old girl by the name of Rebecca Sedwick tragically took her own life due to the ravages of cyber-bullying and other difficulties with particular kids at her school. The details surrounding her death are tragic at best and enraging at worst. 

Any child lost is a failure of human beings as a species; either we failed to protect our offspring or we produced offspring that we could never protect in the first place. However, I am personally at an impasse about how I feel regarding this terrible situation. 

Ammunism

I support gun control 100%. I know, I know... fuck me, right? Call me batshit crazy, but for some reason (not supported by American politicians in the least) I still believe in the American political process and do not think that the government is out to kill me, give me cancer, experiment on me, poison my groundwater, monitor me masturbating on the toilet via satellite, listen to my phone conversations consisting of calls to the non-emergency line at the Orlando Police Department to have them send an officer out to tell the Venezuelans next door to turn down that fucking garbage Reggaeton at 1:30am on a Tuesday (that took a dark turn), or subliminally control my mind.

Even if that is all true, just calm down and wait until Skynet handles it.

Hallowed Region

I really wanted to avoid talking about this. Really. I don't think the subject is funny. I'm trying to be a comedian, I know a gaggle of veterans, and I really started this blog to bitch about America. Generally speaking, I wanted to create a space where I could blast American society, our skewed values, our flexible morality, and our complacency. Our politics. Our culture. A place where I could say publicly what I know a lot of the people in my generation are thinking. I had hoped that I could talk about deep things in a light manner, being a "humorist," and all. But to what end?