Author: Mike Maples

Friday, January 31, 2014

Dutch Amnesia

While perusing the dregs of social media article links, I ran across an interview with Ann Coulter on Piers Morgan's show, which you can see here. As always with Ms. Coulter, it was mostly an argument stuffed with some Ross Perot-like "can I finish my sentence" moments in the place of valid counterpoints in sentence form. However, it made me reflect on the legalization of marijuana argument, and each side's take on it from the point of view of a non-smoker pot-sympathizer (which I am, I promise) (prospective employers). 

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Therapy, vol. 2: Pumping Brakes

Someone I know simply loves being in relationships. So much so that I call her "Shoe Horn," because she will force anyone kind of reasonable into the position of boyfriend as quickly as possible just to avoid loneliness.

This is an excerpt from a conversation we had a while back.

Me: So you guys are boyfriend/girlfriend already? Monikers and everything?

Friend: Yep.

Me: Good thing you eased into that one.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Therapy, vol. 1: Masochism

I used to think that people came to me for advice because I am easy to get along with and talk to. I'm just like one of the girls! Meaning, I'm gay. Just kidding, mom and dad!

Now, I lean more towards the idea that people come to me as much for advice as to confirm that when they might be having a problem, there is someone out there who has a knack for bad decisions, good insight, and communication. See also: someone who has a more disastrous path through life than they do. Me.

This is the first post in what will be an ongoing collection of conversations with friends bouncing shit off of one another so that we can better understand ourselves. I should have done more with my life.


The following is the middle of a conversation with a friend who, at the time, was having a hard time getting over an ex. Texting, calling, etc.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

The Meek Shall Destroy The Earth

Here in Florida, the gun-friendliest state in the south and home to the weirdest goddamned criminals ever, a man was recently murdered in a movie theater during a heated argument about texting. I have already written a post on what I think about gun control but was compelled to do so again.

Needless to say, social media has exploded with liberal and conservative cries for gun control versus vigilante justice. Having accidentally taken part in one of these arguments, I had a few reflections.

By reflections, I mean gloats that read as such: "You are wrong. Asshole."

Reading these Facebook comments makes me sad for our future, as in Floridians, Americans, and humanity in general. Our romanticization of gun culture in combination with our soul-depleting, media-soaked xenophobia has led to everyone basically losing their fucking minds. Obviously, this case in question is a one-in-a-million event and immeasurably retarded, so the gun control issue is not as obviously attached to the issue as much as one would think. But people are jumpy and want a soapbox, and who am I not to oblige?

Monday, January 6, 2014


Since there are never too many posts about New Year's Day about people's resolutions on social media, and because I know you are just dying to hear mine, I thought I'd throw this post together. You are welcome.

I introduced myself to 2014 by performing at Latitude 30 in Jacksonville, FL. I did a 30-minute set as a feature for my friend and headliner of the evening, Jersey. It wasn't technically supposed to be 30 minutes, but I was on a roll, everyone was having a great time, and Jersey had more time to comb his chinstrap.

I had a good time and got to talk about comedy and whatnot with some new acquaintances, all the while wishing I was home and already in bed (because I am so cool, a new year can wait until morning to see me). So it was a great night, needless to say.