This is an excerpt from a conversation we had a while back.
Me: So you guys are boyfriend/girlfriend already? Monikers and everything?
Friend: Yep.
Me: Good thing you eased into that one.
Friend: I know right? I really, really like this guy. And he likes me a lot too. I have been seeing him for a month now. Is that not ok to be exclusive after a month? I am not waiting for anything else.
Me: Oh, a month? Well then. I thought you said something a touch too fast.... like a month. I didn't know that you guys had it all figured out. So you know him through and through, then?
Of course, I'm being a sarcastic dick. But yeah, it's pretty fast to close the gates and settle for the first guy you've really had the chance to start to get to know beyond a couple of dates. Nothing wrong with exclusivity, just the monogamous moniker "boyfriend" signifies that everything is good to go, no one else need apply. But in a month, you have absolutely no idea if that is true or not.
Personal opinion: I'd say give it at least two to three months of dating and sharing the details of life both ways before throwing the BF collar on him and barring any other potentials out there. But hell, I never got love right either. What the fuck do I know about shit?
(laughing) But I do love the irony of this very conversation: you saying that being single is so awesome, yet you hated it the whole time you were and are now stooped on the first guy you've actually gotten to know like a hawk over a fresh kill. Trust me, I know: being single sucks.
Friend: I am going to punch your evil mouth. First of all, I didn't like being single until I started feeling good about myself again after working out, looking good, and feeling good. Once I felt that way, someone came into my life, and WHAM!
Me: Oh, no... now you're going to lecture me to justify yourself. I was just being mean, no need to get uppity like some uppity broad.
Friend: It has been a while since I complained to you about men if you think about it.
Me: These dames are all the same. Yeah, it's been about a month.
Friend: FUCK YOU! It has been months!
Me: I'm just sitting here kicking beehives.
Friend: I can't be happy, can't jump into a strict boyfriend/girlfriend without you shitting on me.
Me: That's not true and you know it. I'm legitimately happy that you've found someone that you actually like.
Friend: He didn't just take me to happy hour, he is honestly all the qualities that I am looking for.
Me: And that's totally fine, even though you've flip-flopped on that several times just in the past few months. Great for you and for him if all the things that you want are actually what he wants as well. That's awesome! My point is, it has not been long enough for you to actually know that yet.
Going off of what you've related to me since I've known you, I've got a not-uninformed idea of your mindset. As you have experienced in recent relationships, we as humans tend to say a lot of shit when we are getting to know someone that are not necessarily true or not the whole truths. For reasons not fully understood, we are then shocked and dismayed when a little time passes and we can't keep wearing these masks forever, only to reveal that we... wait for it... shoe-horned this other person into our lives by temporarily putting our own ideas on the back burner.
I don't think I'd be the only one that thinks that you might be on an accelerated path. I'm just the only one that has the balls to actually say it to you.
Have fun and get to know this guy over the course of time. Allow yourself to be known as well. And don't even start on this "marriage/kids," NASCAR ride you have to the finish line. You run the risk of fucking up a legitimately great thing. Figure out if he is the one for you over the course of time organically; not because over the course of a month, he has met your "Foot Race to Stepford" nuclear-family-man checklist.
If you remain as interested as you seem to have been over the past month, then there is no reason why it shouldn't work out, unless something drastic comes out. So take it fucking easy, man. Let it be, don't push it.
Friend: I am totally not pushing it. I am just not dating anyone else.
Me: Fair enough.
Friend: Also, I am very consciously slowing things down because I know myself, I will fuck things up by going too fast. I am not in any hurry anymore, I do like the boyfriend title, but that was also his idea, and I happily approved.
Me: Fair enough.
Friend: UGH! Nothing I say now is going to matter.
Me: Of course it matters. Just keep your instincts as well. You sound like you're doing the right thing by pacing yourself. That said, you are also eager to get the marry/baby thing going. He may not have any sense either, so don't just trust his instincts because it sounds good to your uterus.
Here's a weird analogy: I have always wanted to nail a porn star, even though the likelihood of my getting herpes is astronomical in that situation. Nailing a porn star is not really a problem that I'll likely run into, so my instincts are sound. That said, if a porn star actually wanted to bang me, I'd be trying to reason with myself that it is a good idea, that I probably won't get herpes if she's not flaring up right now, and that porn stars are real people.
Friend: Oh my God. I love it! I am not rushing to have kids anymore, or weddings. I told myself, if I have another boyfriend, it has to be better than being single. He would have to make me happier than I make myself alone..... that being said, I no longer what to force a relationship because of my primal needs as a female. I realized I can be happy without it. I have really changed over the last few months, I am so happy, I can't even explain it.
Me: Fair enough. You are good to go in my estimation. And that's good because I'm fucking smart.
Friend: You are just being nice now in a "poor girl will never learn" way.
Me: Of course not.... you poor thing.
Footnote: This relationship did, in fact, end after one month of existence.
Footnote 2: I am either A) genius B) clairvoyant C) a vessel of common sense D) a hater E) all of the above
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